Dave Thomas: Who Dat?
In case you didn't know Dave Thomas is a franchising genius. His ideas about the fast food industry will forever inspire men around the world to follow their dreams and keep reaching for the impossible. In short, Dave Thomas is a mystery wrapped in an enigma smothered in secret sauce.
Dave Thomas: The Early Years
Truly, it is hard to believe that such a great man started in such meager beginnings.
Simply put, Dave hardly was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Dave spent most of his
childhood growing up in downtown Chicago. A relatively well behaved child, his mother
has said, on more than one occasion, that she can't remember him ever doing any wrong.
His father died when he was only three leaving him with his mother, 3 brothers, and the
family dog, Francesco Sforza III.
At the age of 14 Dave was forced to find work to help support his family. After
numerous attempts the day came when he met his destiny. When everything looked grim
and the sun seemed like it wouldn't rise tomorrow Dave Thomas stumbled into the closest
"Slaughter Hut: Family Dining" and from that day forth his life would never be the same
again.
Dave Thomas: Life in the Fast Lane
Using his acquired skills he learned at "The Slaughter Hut: Family Dining" Dave
Thomas decided to go out and start his own business. However, his family wasn't too fond
of the idea. Money was tight and the only source of happiness was each other; but Dave
Thomas, the dreamer, always spoke of a brighter tomorrow. He promised his family that after he was done with his "holy quest" that none of them will ever be poor again.
Naturally, they all laughed at the man, so like Jack and the beanstalk, Dave set out with all
the money he had in the world to find his magical beans that would lead him to sky high
success.
Business was slow at first. People didn't buy the fact that a fast food restaurant
could be ran from the back of a rusted out pick up truck. Day-in and day-out Dave would
drive around from town to town trying to sell the idea but nobody would listen. Suddenly,
an idea hit Dave like typhoid fever - free samples!!!! With his last few dollars Dave went
out and bought a 24 pack of alcohol. He then doused the samples with the substance and
handed them out to every tavern in the surrounding area. Now, with the drunks and the
homeless hooked on the burgers Dave had more than enough people who were willing and
able to steal money for another taste of that juicy burger.
With a steady cash flow and loyal customers the only thing left to do is settle down
and rent a building so people had a place to go. News of his fabulishous burgers traveled
fast, so success was instant. Dave would walk down the street and literally have people
throwing themselves at him in hopes that they would be able to work at his new burger
joint. He soon started to expand all across the mid-west and then to the rest of America.
Wendy'stm was born at last.
Dave Thomas: Mo' Money Mo' Problems
Sure success was sweet, but it has been said that "Power corrupts but absolute
power corrupts absolutely" and that's exactly what happened. Dave Thomas, the genius,
who made an overnight sensation, and used the world as his marble, abruptly snapped at the height of his
career.
He became drunk with power and in his mind nobody was going to stop him from
total domination. McDonalds had become his sworn enemy, so to help prevent the enemy
from getting stronger Dave decided to stay open 24 hours, seven days a week. Soon he
got to thinking he could slow down the earth's rotation and incorporate a 36 hour day and
an eight day week. As time passed he would fire practically anyone for anything. It would
not be unusual for him to terminate a person just because he thought they smelled funny or
he thought they picked their nose in third grade, even if they didn't. Some days he would
fire a person and replace him or her with a farm animal like a chicken or a cow. He would
make potential employees do crazy tests at the job interview to prove their courage; such
as walk over a bed of hot coals or take hair samples in case he wanted to clone them.
Months passed and the place was a mess. His madness was uncovered when the health
inspector came on a surprise visit and found ferrets in the deep fryer, feathers and fur all
over the kitchen and dining areas, bums clinging to the grills for warmth, and Dave himself
crouched down in the cooler humming the tune to the "Big Mac" song. It was clear Dave
needed help.
Dave Thomas: The Giddy Little School Girl and Her Empire
Dave Thomas had dreamed of a better tomorrow ever since he was swinging on
the monkey bars at his elementary school play ground. He pumped years of money, brain
power, time and love into his multi-billion dollar fast food chain, Wendy'stm, all to
achieve his goal. Some might say Dave Thomas is apart of the top 100 greatest people of
the entire millennium for creating such a popular restaurant whose soul purpose is
dedicated to shortening life spans in the name of mediocre service and greasy, life
threatening cooking with a smile. But when Dave fell he fell hard.
Dave was whisked away to the nearest psychiatric ward where he received prompt
treatment. In about 3 months time Dave was not only released from the ward, but also
engaged to be married to his fianc�e that he met across the hall from him in room 12b.
In fact, Dave and his wife, Beatrice, came back to room 12b for their honeymoon, to
re-live some old memories and to create new ones. It wasn't long until Dave took
back command of his empire, and now his "timeout," as he likes to call it, has given
him a commodity that very few people have, the precious gift of time. With this free time
he spends hours thinking up new ways on how to put a slab of beef between two pieces of
bread, and as he could tell you business is booming.
Right now, Dave is on top of the world again with no end in sight. He just had a
new born baby girl, who he named, of course, Wendy. And to appeal to the younger folk
Dave formed a rhythm and blues group named "Doggie DT and the Nibblets" who just cut
the last few tracks for their new album due in stores next month. Ah yes, life is good.
Dave Thomas: Why Dave?
Now you may be asking, why Dave? There has got to be some better topic out there that I could do, but allow me to let you in on a little secret, there really isn't. I used to be just like you, but life after Dave Thomas changes absolutely everything. You see the world in a new light; people seem happier, and you seem to be a few inches taller. To tell you the truth I once met Dave Thomas, I remember it quite well:
I was driving in my car when I suddenl�
Got very Hungr�
So I stopped in at Wend�'stm to get a Fish Fill�t
I recognized the person behind the counter immediatel�
It was Dave Thomas serving a Peps�tm
I was overcome emotionall�
I embraced him firml� yet gentl�
He thought I was attacking him aggressivel�
So he beat me swiftl� and thoroughl�
Sending me to the infirmar�
But truthfull�
I still love him to this very da�